


Unpredictable But Right

by katnisspond



Series: Family Is What You Make It [2]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier Bickering, Established Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, M/M, i had an idea and it made me soft, this fic may get bigger
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 05:15:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29484309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katnisspond/pseuds/katnisspond
Summary: Richie and Eddie Tozier had never even considered adopting. Probably because had they gotten married not even a year earlier! Fresh out of work that evening, Eddie needs a new license to ring in a new year, but the other half of that lost time- the version of events Pennywise had taken from them - sits waiting to wreak a little havoc and possibly find the parents she should've had from the start.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Series: Family Is What You Make It [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2182728
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	Unpredictable But Right

Riley Smith sat idly in the uncomfortable seats of the Chicago DMV, bored out of her fucking mind. Her current guardian Ms. Amanda Willard was getting new license plates, leaving Riley in the waiting room after a particularly vicious fight in the car. Even with that fresh on their minds, Riley was- as always- kept under watchful eye, given space and time and no consequences because that was just her life. No one ever told her no. Everything was an accomplishment. Nothing  _ mattered _ . So Riley sat there and sighed with no real ambition to do anything but wreak havoc and find someone else willing to put up with her long enough to start the cycle anew. 

She didn’t know that today would be any different than the rest. 

“...not my fault you can’t park.” 

“Oh, I  _ can _ park, you jackass. Apparently my skills are subpar to the car guy in this relationship who insists on owning a crisis van-”

“It is not a crisis van! The only crisis vehicle we own is your fucking Audi that you don’t even know  _ how to park _ .” Riley struggled to keep a straight face at these two’s antics as they settled into the seats next to her. The room itself energized with their presence, bouncing off the walls with every out of context witty retort. While the air stayed the chilly, stale of any government building, at least Riley had a form of entertainment. Part of her wondered whether or not she could actually get away with something evil while the two men stayed distracting one another beside her. She quickly set to work. 

“Not everyone gets off on being good at normal everyday activities,  _ dear _ .” 

“I don’t- Basic human decency, Rich! It’s basic human decency not to take up two parking spots!” 

“Ugh, I always knew you only wanted me for my body,” one replied sarcastically.

“Oh, yeah, obviously, not your winning personality that makes me want to throttle you twenty-four seven.” So they were gay. Interesting. Riley felt out for the closest guy’s jacket pocket, scoring when she found his wallet tucked inside what she assumed was a cardigan. In her mind’s eye she could picture them as the stereotypical gay couple, all frills, tight corners, manicured to hell and back. The one nearest to her had a deeper voice so according to the stereotype she purposefully pictured him bigger than the other as they continued their easy back and forth. Something about it was less forceful and focused but she didn’t worry. Both were still having such a vivid conversation, there was no way they’d caught her. 

“He says like he hasn’t listened to every single podcast I’ve ever guest starred on.” 

“Hey, nobody’s perfect.” 

“Fucking  _ Zing _ ! And against yourself too. Your snark knows no bounds.” As Riley withdrew a card and prepared to drop the wallet back in it’s respective pocket, the two men went silent. She deflated, knowing she’d been caught. 

“You know the credit card has the ridges on it, right?” the closer man asked with an attitude. Riley scowled and held the stolen card out to them, giving a belated sorry. 

“Damn, kid,” Rich said with a hyena-esque insane sounding laugh. “I don’t know what we would’ve done without our Eddie’s Fro-Yo rewards card.” Riley tried to press it into Eddie’s hand but the man wouldn’t take it back.

“Keep it. That was probably the funniest shit I’ve seen all day beyond this dumbass’s parking job.” 

“Eds. Eddie.” Rich broke out in singing  _ Let it Go _ until he gave a sharp ‘ouch’ from likely being elbowed for it. 

“Thanks but I don’t really want it,” Riley replied. Rich gave a noise. Honestly, he seemed like a noisy person.

“Not wanting a trophy from a failed heist, huh?” With a sigh, Riley crossed her arms and sat back. She didn’t care about the card or anything she could’ve gotten. Her only motive was-

“Nah, you just wanted to get away with it,” Eddie said with certainty. Riley frowned. “I still say keep it. I haven’t used that thing since 2015 and I’m pretty sure it only works in New York City.” He shifted like Rich had nudged him.

“Then why the hell did you keep it?” he asked.

“A reminder of why I left,” Eddie replied darkly. He resettled beside her. “I used to do shit only to prove I could all the time. I get the appeal.” Riley huffed. 

“It’s not the same.” 

“Oh yeah?” 

“I’m  _ blind _ , you jerk. And I don’t want your Fro-Yo rewards card.” 

“Then throw it out. Finders Keepers,” he replied immediately. Riley grumbled but in a way, was kind of appreciated the push back. After the most imperceptible of pauses (Riley was beginning to think these two were complete motor mouths) Eddie continued. “What I was referring to was my mother having Munchausen By Proxy. Know what that is?” 

“...No.” 

“Basically, she used to tell me I was sick all the time. Kept me dependent on her but at the same time, she was convincing me I couldn’t do anything. I even got panic attacks about it so she handed me an inhaler full of water and called it asthma.” Well that sounded horrible.

“Damn,” Rich said with quiet awe. “Tragic backstory already unlocked. Normally that takes weeks.” 

“Oh, shut up,” Eddie replied lovingly. The way these two spun their words, especially so quickly, was intriguing. Riley fiddled with the card in her hands. “Point being, Richie and I used to be absolute terrors as kids-” 

“And still are.” 

“And still are,” Eddie conceded. “Hell, we even sifted through the town sewers with our friends once. I wasn’t allowed to clean a bathroom for fear of my delicate immune system catching E.Coli or something but sewers? Right on.” Riley spotted a hole in his comparison and went after it. Not that she didn’t think it was valid though. She had a bit of an argumentative streak is all. 

“Okay, but I genuinely can’t see. You don’t actually have a delicate immune system.” Eddie laughed. 

“God no. But I did get hurt pretty bad a few months ago so Richie had to play guard rails for a while.” 

“No kidding,” Richie said cheerily. “This guy wanted to go for a run two weeks after getting hole-punched. There was a hole ripped through his chest and he thought, ‘Ah, yes. Time for some cardio.’” Riley giggled against her own will. The thought was absurd. Eddie gave a soft, amused puff. 

“Like I said, though. I get it. I’m guessing this isn’t the first misdemeanor you’ve committed in the crusade for some respect around here.” A smile was tugging at her face no matter how hard she tried to tamp it down. She kicked her feet out. 

“The uh- The last home I got stuck in, I actually keyed their car trying to get a reaction out of them.” Richie gave an impressed whistle. Eddie merely asked her if it worked. “Nope! It took writing ‘Fuck’ across the wall in Sharpie. And instead of getting mad, they just gave me back. I can’t piss anyone off for some stupid reason. They always have to be patient and nice and pretend I’m not fucking everything up on purpose because maybe I’m not. Maybe I’m just being a blind teenager. Who knows?” 

“Ah so there are multiple parents in this picture,” Richie asked lightly. Riley appreciated not saying it with the same pity she got from everyone but her fellow foster kids. 

“Revolving  _ door _ .” She gave a gesture she hoped bolstered her statement. One of them gave a dry sniff, not the crying kind but the kind old men gave when they were about to say something contrary. Maybe they were old? 

“Not to be a jerk or anything but I’d kill to mess with so many people. CPS just wouldn’t buy it back in the 90s,” Eddie said bluntly. Riley smiled. Around 40 years old. 

“I do have some nice bragging rights. One time I put some curtains through their shredder. I kinda felt bad about that one so I pretended I was trying to shred my grades and got confused along the way.”

“Bold move, cotton!” Richie cried with another wonky laugh. It was at least a little infectious, for the absurdity of the sound. 

“Yeah! And they were so nice about it too! ‘ _ Oh, we’re sorry, sweetheart, but you shouldn’t use such a sharp device. It’s too dangerous _ ,’” she mimicked. “That lady wanted to bubble wrap me so bad. I was tempted to break a bone or something on purpose, which, you know, that’s not a good thing obviously. So I screamed my full head off until they put me back and called it a day.” 

“Hell in a handbasket,” Eddie said with a far off sound in his voice. Riley nodded enthusiastically, probably over doing it by how everything in her skull felt a little too shaken up.

“I can’t be an invalid if they can’t even contain me. That’s my philosophy,” she announced with something like pride in her chest, but warm and fuzzy. Acknowledgement maybe. 

“Eddie’s was too for years,” Richie pointed out. Something about his voice was off. She was missing a piece of the conversation, clearly, but at least they were listening. “Why are you in the DMV? I can’t imagine taking any driving lessons.” Riley laughed openly. 

“Really? What gave it away?” She fiddled with the hem of her shirt now. Goddamnit she could not just  _ sit still _ . Normally she could always maintain a cool indifference to the emotional pleas of adults wondering where it all went wrong but here she could barely withhold a smile. What gives? “I’m waiting for Amanda. We fought over me trying to pop her tires a minute ago. Which, fair. Most people don’t like having deflated tired.” 

“ _ Sounds like a valid reason to have a tiff _ ,” a British Voice announced. Riley went wide eyed. 

“I’m sorry, who else is speaking?” Richie gave a chuckle as Eddie pat her arm. 

“Sorry about him. That was Richie again. He does Voices and impressions because he’s an asshole and a comedian.” 

“ _ Language! _ ” Captain America replied, as though the star spangled hero himself had walked into the room. She remembered her friend Penny explaining what he looked like. ‘Tall, blonde, nice ass.’ Riley always pictured him with a nice butt, even if she couldn’t really tell what that would look like in comparison to any normal one. 

“Oh that’s cool. That’s so cool,” Riley gushed. She wanted to pump the brakes and stop being such a giddy puppy about the whole interaction but it was exciting! For some reason these two  _ got _ it. Eddie took a deep, shaky breath that immediately stood out as odd. 

“Alright, kid,” Richie prompted with finality. “You’re trying to find parents that aren’t gonna bubble wrap you, right?” Realization swept through Riley like a static electricity laden blanket was dropped over her shoulders. Her fidgeting turned to shaking a little. 

“Yes. Yeah. I mean- Yeah.” Eddie’s leg was bouncing on the tile next to her. Between that and his breathing, it was reasonable to assume he may be crying. 

“All cards on the table, Eddie and I are practically telepathic. And know sign language but believe it or not, our conversation a few seconds ago relied mainly on the first one.” Eddie gave an incredulous chuckle. Riley couldn’t smile any wider and if she started crying then she refused to acknowledge it. “If you are looking for uh-“ A shift and Eddie picked up for him. 

“We’re willing to look into adopting you. If that’s something you want. From us specifically. Who, come to think of it you know practically nothing about since we’re-”

“Please,” Riley interjected. She could feel her eyes sting with the salt water and tears started to fall. It was never like this before. Parents came in and out of her life with nothing more than a hope that she’d behave if they were nice enough. She didn’t want nice. She wanted normal. Eddie hissed something like a cuss word under his breath and Richie’s laugh was borderline manic. 

“Loud and clear! Alright! This is a thing then I guess!” Riley giggled.

“What, didn’t come to the DMV to adopt a teenager?” 

“We weren’t talking about adopting anyone ever so it’s a tiny bit of a shock,” he admitted with no caveat in his tone. Regardless of their original intentions on parenthood, they were clearly happy about it now. All three of them probably looked crazy, all losing their shit in the DMV lobby, but so what? This day was never going to come for Riley- until it did. 

“I mean, we are jumping to conclusions here, considering I don’t even know what you two look like,” she added with a grin. Eddie gave another puff. 

“Christ, you’re already like both of us,” he said, quiet as a mouse. Suddenly, Amanda's voice brought a more unexpected edge to the conversation. 

“Oh my god. Are you Richie Tozier? I saw your Netflix Special like, two nights ago. It’s an honor to meet you- Wait is this a bad time? Riley, what did you do?!” Before she could reply, Eddie linked their pinkies real quick and Riley nearly sobbed from it. 

“She only stole my Fro-Yo rewards card. Is Riley here still up for adoption?”


End file.
